Lola in slacks.: 2009

I asked for it.

I have to go so bad
Why are you screaming?
Take it out on me.
I want to love you madly
but love, I am leaving
Take it off and maybe
the high
is a little harder
when you cry.
and the light light light's
a little faster than you'd like
and the knock knock knock
is like a rapture, could you talk to me?

But I don't.

I do what they'll never know
"harder harder" screams the undertone
I dream up places to show
you how badly I want you alone.
but put me away
I want to love you late
the hands where I want yours one day
the bones
I want to break the easy way.

I've gotta stop writing.

I am a good girl
but nothing's wanted.
you may think something of me,
but you shouldn't.
Because I am the obituary.
Fly a little closer to the city.
I want
to change colors with the spring
To du-wop, do what they wanna do
I'd do anything.
Cuz I like the blood in your mouth
Collide, we could dig you out.
You taste like
a haunting sound
I'll trace your spine
when you're sleeping upside down
I see the clouds on the mirror
the light off says "come here"
I am a good girl
I'll raise my hand, sir
and my voice when they're home
because I know the answer
and I want to believe
and your sky waxes to sea

you're welcome.

I am guilty
of being entirely incapable
of feeling guilty.
I am not like them.
the gray souls
draped in diamonds
lit with the intentions
of dead thinking
and filling imaginary voids
and perhaps when my hands
are bleeding and thin
I will hang my head
and hang the girl
who is entirely incapable
of all that glue
and all those words
claiming to be worth saving
like gold
and burning
when the heart waves while in pieces.
but I am entirely incapable
of beating faster than I run.
and some of me is immortal
and it refuses to let me alone.
I just want to
in chalk-cocaine draw the line
and define "entirely faithful."
Entirely incapable
and guilty until proven innocent,
I just want to
fuck in my new shoes
and sleep away the sun.

blood suckers.

Wouldn't it be nice
if we lived up to the fool.
all of the ice
put out everything you knew.
Tell me when the blue is low
we've got that walking on water thing down.
c'mon we can take the blow
you can slam open the door now.

Synesthetes and inside voices.

Sometimes I wish it would come to me
Wash over everything that I believe
Count on it my favorite days of the week
Orange, purple and always green.

it's nothing.

at night
I do not stand for ice
My eyes are heavy
by choice.
Your cheap vows
you don't know how
they work on me
and it's not by choice.

In theory
I am an angel dear
see, I like what it's not
But in the dark
we've got it to an art
I want nothing
and that's a lot.

rapture.

Oh, now I know.
Did he tell you what I like?
You put on quite a show
and I don't want to be tired.
It's like a flash, I can see it and I want it now
could you turn around again?
you are a comet now.
Throw all your weight, be my best friend.

I've seen you around everywhere
heard you like to talk
JesusfuckingChrist it's loud in there
let's smoke for a couple blocks.
So take one of mine
"How do you not fit in"
I say to myself as you light me.
Don't want you to know I never did.

I don't want to hurt anyone.

I didn't lie today
but I wish I would have
Like an arrest.
We sat too close today
and I went pulling and crawling
because Lover knows best.
We all play both sides
But I'd like someone on mine.
and I'm the harmony
when approached, I'll speak.
and you the melody,
drunk and on your knees.

curled

I wanted to fight you
all afternoon
I'm not well, I dwell
I swoon
Lock myself in the projection room.

but what I want to play
You look so good.
You've got my wrists.
I can't be cryptic anymore
It makes me sick, let it come to this.
If you wanna go faster, scream
Like a moth, pin me down to it.
But what I want on repeat
You look so good.
You've got my wrists.

at the neck.

I'm not thinking 'bout knives or waves
I'm not thinking 'bout how long it would take
I'm not thinking 'bout the blood in the sink
I'm not thinking 'bout how I want to cave.

I'm not thinking 'bout you on your back
I'm not thinking 'bout at the neck
I'm not thinking 'bout how I'll lie if I have to
I'm not thinking 'bout surrendering attack

I'm not thinking 'bout mud on my knees
I'm not thinking 'bout thrashing to the Back of the B Side
I'm not thinking 'bout asking nice
I'm not thinking 'bout hunting down your pride

WATCH ME BREAKDANCE

Last night
I saw a wolf under spotlight
defending the bad guys
as if he knew
I was flirting with forgiveness.
I wanted to climb up you.
I'm not taking names.
I think we should go to vegas.
Crawl into your lap while, bleed like the Thames.

I keep thinking it's tomorrow.
I keep putting it off.
Where do you get off
singing "oh my god, oh my god".
I'd take out the O's, but how would you know that.

He looked like my favorite time,
my favorite lover, mine.
I'm flooded with signs
as if he knew
I was caught in the red smoke.
You didn't fall through,
because you're not taking hands.
I think we should watch him choke.
Rolling in the dirt and skipping the band.

I'd keep running
because I don't do talk.
He's getting cold,
but how would you know,
singing "fucking hell, fucking hell."
Write it all up, but where do you cut the line?

He doesn't like to sleep alone,
but I wish his arms were bigger.
Detach but I will spend the next two hours
wishing he were stronger.
He's taking off when handing out,
but I distort the sound.
Detach and I will spend the next eighty days
wishing he could throw me down.

PORNpt2

there is a recurring theme.
even when I'm not bad,
it's always something.
and someone's always winning.
to play, o watch me beg.
i want to put you out
and tie you to my bed.
O, to tear into you right now.
to count your veins,
hollow you out.
because someone's gotta love you,
get on their knees when you beg.
i'd like to see you break,
stretching out in my bed.
there is a level, dig deep.
listen with your longing.
is it waving in your sleep?
thought i broke for nothing
and buried what was said.
but if the wall's not signed by you,
crawl into my web.
never knew burning, but i know you.
i'd turn it down, bleed out
and let you love me blue.
cuz someones gotta fill my lungs
with rainwater instead.
the mud, the teeth, the tip of the tongue.
a ladder to my bed.

Could you destroy me,
write it off as inspiration?
I don't need nobody,
but I think I need to taste it.
The fire is taking lives
and if that's your intention,
I'll keep you hot all night.
Water it down and waste it.

PORN

You're really pretty and you know it.
but you didn't have to go three times.
We could talk about faith or nothingness.
I could show you where I keep the knives.
I had a dream that I could touch you in public.
I took on what I could take.
Blowing out the stars like the enemy,
I'm thinking about the endgame.
Oh, did you want in?
Consonants sound so good on you.
Are you breathing?
Come down if it's calling on you.
On the weekends, the way you speak
parallels pornography.
Over it and underneath, the ghost has got you by the teeth.

Fuck off Norman Maine

I feel like red eyes.
its just an hour away.
curtains call for the biggest shoes.
honey demands the worst in you.
strike up the band, cut down the singer.
still awake and chase the rabbits.
all cant break and piece together bad habits.
fixed it, found the fix.
breathe in, raise your fist.
unreleased maybe for reasons.
shoot water, i up and left.
the light the light, the bitter beginnings.
the yellow, the fight and dont feel so bad.
i ruined your chances and you held me up.
i wrote it down and i took it rough.
i used him first, to lift the desire.
fire to the fate
and sit on my hands so the believers feel wronged.
i took him forever, i took him down.
you cant override the blue,
but ill stay right here.
if he is staying.
he pushes and holds on like a gentleman should never.
leave it to me, ill find another ring.
the wolf and the lion.
the sweat and the lies.
i followed you under,
ill see you tonight.

she keeps telling me to marry you

I woke up to the first song I wrote for you.
I was dreaming you thought it okay to invite me in.
and cover me, wishes aside.
I want to call you and confess
I haven't been an angel.
That I crave the hands from poet to Jew.
a face of lines, like starving rivers,
suggesting a choir of torn women,
somewhere and everywhere,
are cautioning their daughters
and touching themselves in the absence of pregnant moons.
Darling, if you quit smoking,
you may never become a tree.
What would i climb come sundays?
What fruit, forbidden, to poison me?
I invite you to question all my lovers.
I invite you to kill them, too.
They weren't my pills and they are not blind.
but I yawn and deny that I miss you.
Even brighter than angry sheets and pleas, o take your hand,
is the hope that I'll sober up,
and I'll find you near the red sea, burning slow.
We'll pour our excuses like rain.
and gnaw at each others bones.
and you'll wake up beside a corpse.
and I'll wake up alone.

kiss, fight, confess.

[-]Hello! My name is San Fernando.Comments (0)08:25pm | Mar 18, '09 | Friends

I think I know what you're doing.
I'd burn the ends too. and to ashes.
She said "I don't know who they think they're fooling."
Drink in lies and big sunglasses.
If this is the worst way, stop it.
You may be the curse to crush the weight that weighs on me.
The epidemic, you caught it. The epilogue, I got it.
Keep right, learn to fight, say please.
And if it goes out,
let the neon light sing over clouds.
And if you stop falling,
grading into blue and blue into dream,

It's okay.
Every day is a mistake.
but how dare you.
how dare you keep it up but cut all but the keys.
It's alright.
We've got three, so take your time.
But how dare you
how dare you take your attack back and track the vaccine.
Play dead, play weak.
Play dead, play weak.

start a war if you'd like.

I read a book on pop art, and write down the names of the artists and paintings I like the most on a piece of free newspaper. I often wish I were a boy. Or maybe I just often wish I owned his collection of cardigans and sweaters. He wears a tie. I see your bass player a block from here. I recognize his shuffle and accessories. He wouldn't recognize me and I bask in it. Thirty seconds before we leave the truck, I'm blinded by that clip of ours. Pools of sweat, ripped them apart, and scolded me. I tear off my wig (laughter), and choose the mane. Not really a figure of speech. I am a lion, backcombing, scowling at my reflection in the tinted window of a shiny black sports car. There are three boys pissing in this parking lot right now. The way a musician moves his body on stage, the faces he makes, his neck, his fingers, and his back, it's looks exactly the same in the bedroom, without fail. He is trying to kill me. I am being cut open slowly from my navel to my throat. Avarice is the root of all evil. The sun is coming up and I think someone is watching me. I am late and half blind. Eight pairs of sunglasses and a glass vase of jewlery. We are proud of ourselves. I must have left it on the floor when we were sifting through your drawers. I exhale and she screams with joy. The gorgeous one flies south and I bought the last of it. These things can easily go unnoticed by me. I had been listening to the Promise Ring for six years and only learned three months ago that the singer has a speech impediment. Potential blackmail. I name my new dress Cleavage Town. I smell like a candy store. He writes "nice legs' on my window. Throw up my hands, she irons for him. I drink half a bottle of wine. I wouldn't be upset, but I never expect anything of anybody. Slow down, Mister, my girlfriend is in heels. I think I'm being stalked and I want my hands held. I want to tell her to change her phone number. and I want to switch, because I want to see tears. Tomorrow, our mutual friends will call to tell you the lioness from Cleavage Town is a bitch. Black hair bigger than a hearse, I hate it here. and I don't understand how I've left the house without a sharpie. I remind the place I'm blonde and act oblivious. Soaking wet. Come downstairs. I just want to hold him. I must be really drunk. I wonder if there is a constant. It's possible that I'm too self absorbed, flitting around like a hummingbird and clinging for my life, to introduce myself. Or remember. I hope nobody remembers me. A girl with nice eyelashes thinks I don't notice that she feels incredibly out of place. I want her to open like a lotus and bleed out in the bathroom. I flirt with her name. I cannot fix when drugged so I dissociate. I think they steal something. I lucid dream and he wants to come. Van Halen and a tutu. My glass is bigger than my face. I hold it with two hands and pretend to drink from it. I'm growling. Some guy totally thinks he's Andy Warhol. Bob Dylan is usually here. And sad Chelsea girls, who spend too long in the mirror imperfecting themselves. I didn't bring my camera anyway. She draws a piece of paper from her beaver hat, and someone's illustrated my breasts. I am in love. I've studied faces. We answer in unison. Wait, I do remember your name. I have glass in my feet. And if he was anybody else, I wouldn't have let him eat my candy. I smell like blueberry muffins. Avarice is the root of all evil. Good plan, but I'm taking my keys. I can't find you.

trees and rivers

I know you
I walked with you
on the moon, along the water
I've got room
you cling too
what's the use in giving up pot
or all the things
that lift what we can't face
when you go
I draw the cards
and look too hard for grace
put me down
I'll pretend to put you behind me
faithless, carnivorous
I want to be a patient boy
but my dreams are precognitive
tasteless, feeding this
is my desire to be a patient boy
and the epilogue, I got it
and the epidemic, you've caught it
and it's critical, you fought it

hit go.

i went counting on my hands today
stayed to keep warm
i couldn't give it away
i like your spine too much to say
"it's cake"
to watch what i want break

i hit stop cuz we were far from here
we didn't know cold
smoked off the fear
i don't need daylight, you don't need another beer
they don't need to know the everythings
you're saying in my ear

we have the sun
you do the honors
i do the harmonies
we're not done
fuck your armour
what about the prophecies?

i'm good
but you're not good to go
what do i do i do with all this yellow?
i'm lovely
but you're bloodless lately
why do i do i wanna call you baby?

God, I hate your girlfriend.

you claim to cancel
but the cancer burning
in what heart you have left
yeah, about that..
you called you're coming
so i'm running from you
in inappropriate shoes
yeah, do the math

what's this
about the emptiness?
you're an expert now
because you pretend not to miss
being early
being there at all

rule me in

venetian blinds, french doors
you're packing for your tour
"i'm gonna save the world"
you said
it's easier than that
but I want my money back
I've been reading you
since I was a kid

your advances, but i'm cold
my god, i would
but I know
you don't need me
at your feet righ tnow
we signed it in hope
and I gave you all my dope
sirens on my tail
but I want you sitting close

back again back again
gun to your head
you can't say
that I'm too late
back again back again
its in your head
but your singing
you don't like the shape

if you rule me out
you'll never see
the edges burned anthology
and i am tired
call me out
i'm at the scene
if you're in blood, put it on me
and i lied
to every organ
friend and lover
I fail to justify
but i try
and i try
to rain out the fire

when I'm lucid

you are an image
when i'm lucid
you and i
you don't know
plays in my head
weighs like lead
if i could win
we would be home

not one for lies
just this tonight
you look afraid
but you're doing it right
talk to kill
kiss to fill
this is the government
and the sleeping pills

i'd lay it out
obey the sounds
watch your mouth
when they're around

you are a god
i'm never wrong
if we had souls, you said
they might be one
go put to sleep
your loyalties
and sing to me
one of the thirty six i keep

i'd lay it out
obey the sounds
watch your mouth
when they're around

if only thoughts count
then count me in
cuz your pretty words
got my pretty little head thinkin'
its not fair
but you're fair game
meet me in the church
we'll go down in flames
smoke until the mirrors
define uninvention
so high our love
beyond all comprehension
when paranoia
refuses to walk tall
one will run
one will fall
we're all
we're all funny little animals

so high

the time has come,
and it's come to my attention
when I can't get no inspiration
you should say something
it should say something
then you do
and i don't take
it like a big pill,
it like a wooden stake
I keep on
all I want

this has nothing
to do with the state or the light
'cause I remember when the trees stayed up all night
we never said anything
and that says everything
don't caught
when you're caught in the eye
count down
we're all gonna die
I keep on
I know what I want

it is a circle,
if you don't believe, believe it
when it's burning down
it's just your basic physics
because he said something
and she won't let herself think
but you do
and I won't say
what's written
all over my face
I keep on
it's all I want

when I can feel it crashing
I will find you on your knees I know
like a trip, fade out the traffic
when you hear it on the radio
and you don't but I dream
it's dawning three
and in all the ashes
we can hardly see
and only sometimes does it kill me
that we get so high off of waiting

bff vol1

"yes, they're mine.
I meant to ask for light.
It's just not the same
after your sixteenth birthday."

"So expensive now.
I bought kings for that party."
"Won't stop me anyhow.
I'll start selling my body."

"Oh man, I drank my life.
and I didn't see you all night.
Just your lipstick on the cigarettes
you put out on the front step."

"Everyone was a corpse.
I made friends with a girl in a tu-tu."
"That guy at the door
told me he was going to fuck you."

after all

you could find me in the background
when the backdrop
is a a cartoon
and you don't belong
you don't belong
put a fucking record on

you can't beat it
time is stoned again this time

you could find the answers in the blackhole
see you backstage
this is your dream
you can call me honey
wait it out
we're being followed now

you can't beat it
time is stoned again this time
don't be greedy
don't go looking me in the eye

come on
and wear me out
do the work
make the devil proud
i know i know the door should be locked but
you baby you baby you baby you
come on
and walk me out
watch my words
turn the car around
i know i know the door should be locked but
you baby you babylove baby you
i know i know i know you're locked up but
you baby you baby you look good

find my eyes rollin at kinetics
it's electric
and the dancefloor
but i've only had four
calling late
you held on yesterday

you can read me
corner me again this time

i can hear you in the static
the erratic
revelations
haven't been so patient
feel it too
like everybody else in the room

you can read me
corner me again this time
don't be greedy
don't go looking me in the eye

come on
and wear me out
do the work
make the devil proud
i know i know the door should be locked but
you baby you baby you baby you
come on
and walk me out
watch my words
turn the car around
i know i know the door should be locked but
you baby you babylove baby you
i know i know i know you're locked up but
you baby you baby you look good

hedonism
check it off
if I can't breathe
I'm with him
if he won't talk
he's not with me

existentialism
check it off
if I can't be seen
I'm with him
after all
told him to corner me

are you coming?

read a book on how to be a bitch
he should read it
gave it to a hooker
but you could find it anywhere

smoke off the accusations
they don't know us
this is like a tree
say you'll be there when I'm one

or don't at all
i know your roots
are my lights on?
are you coming?
take it to the wall
i know your roots.

should i sing more about cigarettes?
should i find it in myself to forget, yet
remember you'll be back i bet
ringing your hands
ringing your hands?
should i sing less about you?
should i go under cause i already do, but who
if not for the overdue,
ringing his hands
ringing his hands?

drug for this

I think that I might be the Devil
you think that I might be the One
I don't think you'd believe the things I've done
but you're safe, baby
if you don't cry
I don't want you blue
but I know your type
and your sky
will wax gray
start raining all over you

I wish they made a drug for this
I'm that girl again and I apologize
I don't think you know how to believe your eyes
you're not safe here
cry, baby cry
you're already blue
and I know your type
and your sky
without color
will destroy and become you

there is a boy with your name
he wears a ring
I couldn't help but think
I was high and paranoid
I tore apart everything
that explains all the blood you're missing
and the endgame's got me wishing
you'd have turned out to be the married boy

Lola in slacks.